2015, Uncategorized

“a feeble spark, next a flickering flame, then a mighty blaze”

“There I was, cold, isolated and desperate for something I knew I couldn’t have.
A solution. A remedy. Anything.

…I hated it. Alone and confused was the last place I wanted to be.
Somehow I knew I deserved this.”
― Brian Krans


2015 you strange year you. I started 2015 off believing it would be my golden year and that is simply because I was in my last year of high school about to enter the big world. But. I thought that this meant a magical year filled with happiness,delight,friendships galore and not a stress in the world. Turns out that I was the gold put in fire. Purification was my destiny and oh boy purification hurt.

I cried and begged for happiness but I was left in isolation and filled with more confusion than ever. As Brian Krans I wanted a solution,a remedy,anything…But one cannot end the purification mid way. You have to sit it out. When gold is purified “dross” rises to the surface. So when all the mess and hurts and pains in my life rose to the surface I was uber confused as to what is going on. I did nothing wrong. I was in this furnace of confusion to be purified and now this dirt is the only thing people can see? What the actual heck. The process is repeated until no dross appears. Painful eh? Well this was 2015 a year of isolation,confusion and change. Friendships stopped “fitting” and I begun feeling displaced but as the year ends I realise now that I needed the purification and all the seemingly bad things that took place.

Sometimes we see the situation we are put in as unfair and we want the final product without the process and sadly we need to sit through the process otherwise the final product will never come. I wanted to become more “fierce” this year and to be at ease with myself and become a phoenix and a flame. I wanted to be better than I was before and I thought that this year would be better than before but pain is what makes you better. The hurts lead to a beautiful healing. Pain is never unnecessary. Pain changes things and pain improves other things. So the purification was needed and achieved my goal of wanting to be better.


“Which came first, the phoenix or the flame?’
‘Hmm . . . What do you think, Harry?’ said Luna, looking thoughtful.
‘What? Isn’t there just a password?’
‘Oh no, you’ve got to answer a question,’ said Luna.
‘What if you get it wrong?’
‘Well, you have to wait for somebody who gets it right,’ said Luna. ‘That way you learn, you see?’
‘Yeah . . . Trouble is, we can’t really afford to wait for anyone else, Luna.’
‘No, I see what you mean,’ said Luna seriously. ‘Well then, I think the answer is that a circle has no beginning.’
‘Well reasoned,’ said the voice, and the door swung open.”

J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows


One thought on ““a feeble spark, next a flickering flame, then a mighty blaze”

  1. Tessa wagner says:

    So insightful my fierce friend! Your journey is beautiful to watch. When you stop fitting in one place, it’s because you were forged to fit another! ❤️


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