2018

Wilderness thinking.

IMG_4531 (1)Dare anxiety come, I’ll remember that peace is a promise You keep. – Hillsong Young & Free.

I cannot even begin to describe the shame one feels when they get into the overthinking rut or even just feel anxious. You try and hide your emotions because you fear people will run away and think you’re crazy or you pull away from situations until the wave has passed. Now you are probably wondering why an overthinker would come onto the internet and share such vulnerabilities with the world? Well, it is simple… My battle is not my own and I do not fight for personal freedom but I fight for you reading this to let you know you are not alone and that you are worthy of love.

The strange thing with overthinking is that it happens randomly and unexpectedly. You do not sit by your diary and schedule a 3 pm overthinking for Thursday but it happens when everything is going great and your brain just decides that now is the time to self-sabotage for fun – it is fun right? Haha I make a joke out of it but it isn’t really that fun at all but there are ways I have figured out to talk myself down from the situation. The only way I have been able to cope with overthinking at all is all thanks to God. The fact that He loves me for everything I am not and everything I am. Now you probably want to dive a little deeper into my thought process … please remove all judgement now and then enter. Thank you. Hello and welcome to the brain of Katelyn. I am an overthinker that happens to be a perfectionist with the love language of words of affirmation but also the constant desire to be more. Messy hey? Well, you see we operate in all situations through our personal context. “This is what happened to me growing up so I see the world in this light” – that kind of thinking.

 

b51c869bea66259b65a146cdc0c417cf.1000x1000x1

You and I know my story and life experiences well so this isn’t another here’s my past blog post but a post to let you know that it is okay…

Even when my mind wreaks havoc
I will be still – Hillsong Young & Free 

The slightest of change in the way things were can result in my overthinking to start. I am not saying it all starts the same way but I realised that when my guard is down these things tend to spark up. I get overwhelmed by an exam coming up or simply because I only got 4 hours of sleep last night and now because all my energy is focused on that when the random thoughts of “hmm.. did you see so and so changed ?” or “heyo your hair is doing a thing…” or even ” did you see you spoke and nobody listened?”. Honestly four years ago no one would see me with big curly hair all proud and stuff …or even worse having my hair down felt like the biggest step ever because I felt it brought attention to me. I mean it is just hair? Why did it overwhelm me so? Well… that is the battlefield of the mind.

We all have our own battles but the trick in all of this is that you need to know that you have to sometimes fight a battle more than once to win… and victory can only come after the battle – so honey you have to fight. I had or sometimes still have insecurities that attempt to devour my mind but the only way to fight those thoughts are to use the words God uses for you and pray. Seriously prayer helps massively. When you get into a whirlwind of whatever your battle is just remind yourself to be present in the situation and look at the reality, look to God and what He has said and do not focus too much on yourself because it tends to increase the problem (but don’t disregard your feelings either).

90259934-pinky-swear-outline-icon

Just because you are in the middle of your wilderness it does not mean the promises God made to you won’t come true and once you leave your wilderness you need to get rid of wilderness mentality of “things are never enough” because you are chosen and God is bigger than anything you are facing and in the promise land things are “more than enough”. Yes, we will face this battle over and over again. Being a contender does not mean the battle will be easy but it means you qualify to fight – so please fight those thoughts.

 

All anxiety bows in the presence of Jesus the Keeper of Peace
And peace is a promise He keeps.  – Hillsong Young  & Free

 

– A letter to myself and a letter to you.

Advertisements
Standard