2016, Uncategorized

The beauty of vulnerability

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“Vulnerability is terrifying. The courage it takes to reveal you heart is one of the most daunting…yet rewarding experiences in life. It will set you free.”

 

I never understood what vulnerability is, I always just assumed being vulnerable meant opening yourself up to get hurt. I thought making yourself vulnerable meant making yourself the bullseye and allowing people to target practice on you. I would be lying if I said that being vulnerable does not still terrify me. There has always been this one person in my life that being vulnerable with was such an easy task but unfortunately being vulnerable with that person caused more trouble than anything else. Imagine opening up yourself to someone only for them to listen say okay and then leave pretending as if it wasn’t a big deal. Exposing yourself to someone is not an easy task but I don’t think being vulnerable is necessarily for anyone else, I think being vulnerable benefits you more than anything else.

 

Being vulnerable means being honest and raw. I don’t think I was always honest and raw with myself. I used to be a very insecure angry girl that used to tell herself that she is pathetic, useless and not worth much. Now was this being honest? No. We are all worth something, we aren’t pathetic and telling yourself these things puts up a barrier between you and yourself and in return you ultimately build a barrier to the entire world. Vulnerability is confidence. I don’t think one can obtain true confidence without being vulnerable. Vulnerability is showing who you really are and valuing yourself. Showing someone my writing is me being vulnerable as writing exposes who I am and is something I truly cherish.

 

The dictionary definition of vulnerable is “Vulnerability is the quality of being easily hurt or attacked.” And I think when we see this definition we run away from anything that makes us vulnerable because who would honestly want to be easily hurt? No one. Being a human being opens you up for being easily attacked so why not be true to yourself? I would rather be attacked for the truth than a lie. I do not want to be a target because I was not true to myself. Brene Brown is one of the most brilliant writers on the topic of vulnerability and she states that “Vulnerability is our most accurate form of courage”

 

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
― Brené Brown

 

When avoiding vulnerability, we need to weigh up what we are giving up and what we have. Not being vulnerable leaves true love, strength and joy behind and we only have cowardice and regret which ends up hurting us anyway. The person I am so willing to be vulnerable with is someone I care deeply about and I don’t want to end up losing them because I put half of myself into the relationship. Vulnerability is giving it all.

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

― Brené Brown

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2016, Uncategorized

One of a kind.

“…you’ll search for me inside of everyone you’re with & I won’t be found.” r.h. sin

Comparison is such an ugly thing but is something we do unintentionally. Comparison has to be made as humans are our threshold of who we are. We cannot describe ourselves without referring to another human as a threshold. “I am short” How do you know you are short without comparing yourself with someone who is taller than you? “I am tan” How would you know that without comparing yourself with someone who is pale or dark? Comparison is necessary and important surely but we have taken it too far. We have become radical comparison humans.

I am sure many women will agree with me and say that when they cut their hair men started treating them differently and some men will even go so far as to say that women are more attractive with long hair than short hair and I have two things to say to those men…

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People will always compare you and that is just what humans do so naturally but when you begin comparing yourself to the next person that is when trouble sets in. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” If you feel you need to change yourself into someone you are not just to get someone to love or like you then you are selling yourself short. The way to get ahead in life and be happy is by successfully being yourself because no one on this planet is who you are. He will search for someone better to replace you but that won’t happen because no one is arranged in the manner in which you are arranged and the key to true happiness is to accept and love the wonderful arrangement in which you have been created.

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2016

Undaunted

Then there’s Dauntless. They’re our protectors, our soldiers, our police. I always thought they were amazing. Brave, fearless, and free. Some people think Dauntless are crazy, which they kind of are.“—  Tris explaining the factions

 

I have a vision for my life every year. 2013: A year that brought the most challenges I have ever had and I can not even tell you how many times I cried that year. I felt like I was walking around aimlessly and had no purpose and  and that is why from that year on I decided to have a vision for my life that aligns with my goals for the year.

 

2014 was fierce. I decided to be strong and gentle just like a lioness. I wanted to be someone that didn’t back down when things got tough. I wanted to live,love,be fierce. I got the word fierce tattooed that very year and ever since then I have been known by the word fierce. Hence the name of my blog.

 

2015 was Arise Fiercely. I went through a stagnant year that resulted in me deciding to fly. I had to fight to fly it wasn’t easy. I thought having that vision meant a year of highs. Oh boy was I wrong. Just because you are born with wings doesn’t mean you will simply just take off. You have to learn how to fly and every time you want to fly you have to make the conscience decision to do so. 2015 taught me how to make conscience decisions.

 

Which brings to me to 2016. The year of being undaunted. You surely remember the movie divergent where there are “factions” for everyone. When you reach a certain age you leave the faction your family belongs to to sort of discover which faction you belong in.

First there is Abnegation: The selfless faction. They care for others needs above their own.

Second is Erudite: The intelligent faction. “Knowledge is the only logical solution to conflict”

Third is Dauntless: The brave faction. They strive to become courageous and indestructible.

Fourth is Amity: The peaceful faction. They value peace and harmony above all else.

Fifth is Candor: The honest faction. They value honesty above all else.

 

Tris Prior in the Divergent trilogy fits in 3 of the five factions making her a threat especially to Erudite the intelligent faction. She decides to join Dauntless the brave faction even though she could go to Abnegation and Erudite as well.

 

The Dauntless faction was formed by those who believed that fear and cowardice was ultimately the cause for the problems society faced.Okay enough about the Divergent trilogy. Ultimately I chose this as my vision for the year because I value bravery and fearlessness but I do not consider myself physically brave.

 

Sure I am brave mentally and thats what matters to me because to be honest I would probably be put into Erudite if I was in the Divergent Trilogy. The thing with the Dauntless is that they are clever,honest, fight for peace,are intelligent and are selfless. Things I strive to be.

 

“Becoming fearless isn’t the point. That’s impossible. It’s learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it.”

Veronica Roth, Divergent

 

“If you are really one of us, it won’t matter to you that you might fail. And if it does, you are a coward.”
Veronica Roth, Divergent

Bring on 2016. The year of being Undaunted.

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2015, Uncategorized

“You can hear it in the silence…”

In the complete absence of sound I began to listen and to hear. 2015 has been a year of silence and feeling stagnant. Nothing extreme happened. My mind was loud but words failed to come out. The world felt quieter and my heart was filled with emotion. I could not understand why nothing exciting happened to me and why I led such a boring life? I dyed my hair like every 2 weeks sometimes so there was no way I was boring. I had purple hair twice this year for goodness sake.

Silence is like a river of grace inviting us to leap unafraid into its beckoning depths. It is dark and mysterious in the waters of grace. Yet in the silent darkness we are given new eyes. In the heart of the divine we can see more clearly who we are. We are renewed and cleansed in this river of silence. There are those among you who fear the Great Silence. It is a foreign land to you. Sometimes it is good to leap into the unknown. Practice leaping.

MACRINA WIEDERKEHR, Seven Sacred Pauses

This quote spoke to me and I finally understood that silence is a teacher and it trains you to understand,listen,become more and it teaches you how to be content. I always want better,want more and want something else and I struggle to accept the goodness right in front of me. I am a drama student and as a drama student I should have realised ages ago that this silence was merely a pause that grabs the audiences attention and prepares them for what is to come. Silence/pause acts as an emphasis and puts such power on a word that preceded it or proceeds it. The silence we experience at times is a preparation of greatness.

Silence is ultimately a changing agent as once silence comes into a relationship the relationship either ends or becomes stronger. When you hear nothing from a friend and always have to initiate some sort of conversation the silence from that friend teaches you that change has to come and some people have to go. When silence comes into your life do not see it as if you are invisible or as if the world has forgotten the silence comes as a change agent whether the change will come in your personal life or in the environment around you. Change will come nonetheless.

In Absurd theatre silence was used to represent how meaningless life became and silence made the audience uncomfortable resulting in the audience questioning their everyday life.

 

Silence is the most powerful scream.

ANONYMOUS

 

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2015, Uncategorized

“a feeble spark, next a flickering flame, then a mighty blaze”

“There I was, cold, isolated and desperate for something I knew I couldn’t have.
A solution. A remedy. Anything.

…I hated it. Alone and confused was the last place I wanted to be.
Somehow I knew I deserved this.”
― Brian Krans

 

2015 you strange year you. I started 2015 off believing it would be my golden year and that is simply because I was in my last year of high school about to enter the big world. But. I thought that this meant a magical year filled with happiness,delight,friendships galore and not a stress in the world. Turns out that I was the gold put in fire. Purification was my destiny and oh boy purification hurt.

I cried and begged for happiness but I was left in isolation and filled with more confusion than ever. As Brian Krans I wanted a solution,a remedy,anything…But one cannot end the purification mid way. You have to sit it out. When gold is purified “dross” rises to the surface. So when all the mess and hurts and pains in my life rose to the surface I was uber confused as to what is going on. I did nothing wrong. I was in this furnace of confusion to be purified and now this dirt is the only thing people can see? What the actual heck. The process is repeated until no dross appears. Painful eh? Well this was 2015 a year of isolation,confusion and change. Friendships stopped “fitting” and I begun feeling displaced but as the year ends I realise now that I needed the purification and all the seemingly bad things that took place.

Sometimes we see the situation we are put in as unfair and we want the final product without the process and sadly we need to sit through the process otherwise the final product will never come. I wanted to become more “fierce” this year and to be at ease with myself and become a phoenix and a flame. I wanted to be better than I was before and I thought that this year would be better than before but pain is what makes you better. The hurts lead to a beautiful healing. Pain is never unnecessary. Pain changes things and pain improves other things. So the purification was needed and achieved my goal of wanting to be better.

 

“Which came first, the phoenix or the flame?’
‘Hmm . . . What do you think, Harry?’ said Luna, looking thoughtful.
‘What? Isn’t there just a password?’
‘Oh no, you’ve got to answer a question,’ said Luna.
‘What if you get it wrong?’
‘Well, you have to wait for somebody who gets it right,’ said Luna. ‘That way you learn, you see?’
‘Yeah . . . Trouble is, we can’t really afford to wait for anyone else, Luna.’
‘No, I see what you mean,’ said Luna seriously. ‘Well then, I think the answer is that a circle has no beginning.’
‘Well reasoned,’ said the voice, and the door swung open.”

J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

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