2017

Cherophobia

IMG_5553“And there it was. Happiness just a shot away from me but here I was overthinking it to the point of being miserable.”

My writing is mostly fuelled off of experience and how I managed to deal with what was given to me and lately I have been… happy. Genuinely happy. However, I have not been enjoying this happiness. I have been figuring out how this will all leave me. How I did not deserve this or that maybe this is too good to be true. No not in a I walk around with a cloud of darkness over my head but if happiness was a couch I was merely sitting on the edge getting ready to be asked to leave my seat.

I did not rest in the comfort of happiness. Still struggle with that. I realised that I view breakthrough or joy as something that will be ripped from me and be yet another challenge I must face. But when the couch of happiness is in your face you really cannot keep ignoring it not allow anyone to sit on it in fear that it will be taken away. The what ifs will ultimately be the death of some of us. Changing your view on happiness is important. I know I have been guilty of not enjoying a breakthrough, good times and utter joy because if I did not enjoy happiness as much surely I wouldn’t be in the same amount of pain when sadness comes? I know right how sad are my thoughts sometimes.

 

I am here just to say that we should not have a fear of happiness and that we should jump onto that couch and cuddle right in it with a pillow of laughter, a blanket of love and be dressed in clothes filled with affirmation. Happiness should not be a guilty pleasure but it should be enjoyed. Fully. Happiness isn’t something that will stop coming around and while it is here I think we should be grabbing it with both hands.

 

” He fills my life with good things so that I stay young and strong like an eagle.” -Psalm 103:5

 

Take your happiness back into your own hands. Silence the thoughts and celebrate once again. You know that you want to. That relationship you have been so scared of because you fear you aren’t good enough? Sit on the couch of happiness because you are good enough and you deserve love. That trip you have been terrified to take? Sit on the couch of happiness because you deserve to explore. That smile you have been scared of smiling? Sit on the couch of happiness and show us those pearly whites.

 

Cherophobia: The fear of gaiety, happiness, joyfulness or rejoicing.

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2016, Uncategorized

The drought of 2016

“So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings.”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

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I would like to think of myself as a fierce  woman and this could be true but I have one huge flaw- when the going gets tough I pack up my bags and seek a new adventure. I lack the endurance to go through with things. If I see that there is a chance that I could fail – I won’t bother with the thing for too long. I have avoided opportunities, friendships and many things simply because I feared disappointment – I do not fear hard work but I fear failure.

“We have been living through a time of sorrow. Our seed remains seed. Our nostrils are dusty.”
Warren Eyster, The Goblins of Eros

I am the kind of person who would not plant a seed if I did not know for sure that within a certain time frame that this seed would blossom into the most extravagant tree- actually I would not care whether it blossoms as long as there is some sign of life. 2016 has been a year I would describe as a drought. Whatever I planted simply would not grow. Perhaps I did not take into account that some things take a bit longer to grow or maybe that there is a lesson in the drought? I did not realise that there were different kinds of droughts:

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  1. Meteorological droughts: Basically when a land goes without rain for a certain period of time.

Now you are probably wondering what point am I trying to make? Well it is quite simple. You cannot expect to grow if you do not stand in the rain or find a way to get some sort of moisture. I discovered that during a drought a cactus reduces the amount of leaves it produces in order to remain alive and to fight through the drought and I think that sometimes we need to do that. We cannot keep stretching ourselves to reach a target or to force things when our spiritual and mental health has a chance of deteriorating. Some days I would get so busy that I would not have time to read my Bible or sit and listen to a word of encouragement and then wonder why am I remaining a seed? Well it is actually quite simple… When it rained with encouragement I took it for granted and complained that it is going to ruin my perfectly blow dried hair.  Now what? The drought came and there is not an influx of people pouring encouragement over every little thing you do?  The seed remained a seed because the encouragement given before fell into overgrazed soil. You cannot rely on others to keep giving you encouragement and to keep you keeping on. There will be a season where there is no rain coming but that does not mean the seed cannot grow.

2. Agricultural droughts.  This is when there is a lack of moisture in the soil where the crop grows.

We take for granted the encouragement we receive. I cannot remember who said this but the quote went something like this ” You need to prepare for the season in which you are not yet in” We do not think of storing up for when there is a season of lack until the season of lack comes.

“Only miss the sun when it starts to snow”- Passenger

That song by Passenger represents the point I am trying to make. We do not appreciate the  moment we are in, the people we have, the food we eating or even the show we are watching until it is gone. We need to accept the season we in and that the rain is not currently falling but that does not mean we are going to sit and cry and wonder when the rain will come and when will people encourage us again. There is a method to growing plants in the middle of a drought and it is called companion planting- this is basically when you plant plants together that can reap different benefits from each other. You see the point I am trying to make? You do not need to be alone in order to survive a drought… Alone might actually be the biggest hindrance to you. Surround yourself with people of different qualities and nutrients and help each other survive the drought.

       3. Hydrological drought. This happens when reservoirs and lakes dry up.

As the year is coming to an end you possibly feel like this is the drought you are in. There is no energy left, how are you even going to make it to next week? Your leave seems so far away but the rain will come again.

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Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Endurance and I do not go together. I would love to say that I am patient and that when the going gets tough that I do not get going but unfortunately that is not the case. I get frustrated and I get fed up but that is why I am glad the drought of 2016 came because I got to see how far I could go without having rainfall, how far I could go without having a growth that is open to the whole world. The seed still has small victories that the world does not know about. The seed is gaining strong roots and I hope you realise that you are too.

“At the end of the day it’s about how much you can bear, how much you can endure. Being together, we harm nobody; being apart, we extinguish ourselves.”
Tabitha Suzuma, Forbidden

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.- Galatians 6:9

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